Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
My mom loves balls.
But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.
