Last Jokes

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed that I only had a crock pot.😅

I ate Taco Bell last night. I pooped out your hairline.

What were Steven Hawking’s last words?

ERROR 101.

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”

Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”

He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?