Last Jokes

One knight a guy asked his wife were she wanted to eat she said Chinese food so he flew her to china the next night he asked her what she wanted to eat she said Indian food so he flew her to India the last night he said what do you want to eat and she said she wanted nothing so he flew her to Africa

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.

a blonde a brunette and a redhead are robbing a bank. the police are soon after them so they hide in a bunch of barrels. the police arrive and search the area, they come over too the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it, the brunette says "woof". "oh, it's just a dog" says the police officer and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. the redhead says "meow", "oh it's just a cat" says the officer then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden the blonde says "potato"

Humpty Dumpty felled off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call. He got hurt in a egg-cident & it never got eggs-elent. When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower. It happened too fast, he watched the very last. Next he died, eaten all fried.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been awhile since the last presidential assassination...

So I bus crashes killing everyone on the bus and god feels so bad that he gives each one a wish so the first person comes up and she wants to be beautiful so god makes her beautiful and she goes into heaven next person comes up and he says I want to be beautiful as well as the last man in the back begins laughing a little so this goes on everyone becoming beautiful until god asked the last person what they want and he said I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again! so god had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted

my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

There are 4 people ona plane while its crashing and there are only 3 parachutes theres opera, Obama a little girl and, Trump opera grabs. Parachute and says, "I'm famous i get one" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well im president of cource i get one" and obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since your the future or our generation take the last one" the little girl hugs obama and says, "Actually we can both have one Trump took my backpack"

number 15 burger king foot lettuce the last thing you want in your Berger king Berger is someones foot fungus but as it turns out that might be what you get.

I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

a mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son and that's why we adopted you.

Bank owner:if you want to start a bank account, I need ur name. Guy:Robin Bank owner: ur last name? Guy:Debank Bank owner: Robin Debank? Guy: put your hands up and give me all the money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will never forget my little brothers last word rip.

his last words: paint dosent taste good

imagine this senario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "you have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc" and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.