Last jokes

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Student: Why does everyone hate me?

Another student: Because U got the A last night.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Why don't we have female magicians?

'Cause the last ones got hanged.

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.