Last jokes

Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.

It's still printing.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?

"Last night I had a meme."

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"