Language jokes
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years? The letter M.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk" home from a tree house? 🏠
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because seven eight (ate) nine.
X is for X-treme shooting!
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If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
Spell "attic."
Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.
The "F" in "orphan" stands for family, but there is no "F" in "orphan."
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
I am Asian.
I am so Asian my pronouns are: heeEEE/Ya.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.