Language jokes
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
Suc my dic
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
Puns, that's how I roll.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
What are the sinful letters of the alphabet?
A, B, C you in hell.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."