Language jokes
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.
Clarm chin ass bou ducky wack wakaka chuck chuyli bingbong DA sauec.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
Suck my ass, guys!
Memes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
Puns, that's how I roll.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
What are the sinful letters of the alphabet?
A, B, C you in hell.
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"