Language jokes
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
Suck my ass, guys!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
Puns, that's how I roll.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
What are the sinful letters of the alphabet?
A, B, C you in hell.
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"