Language jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
What's 9 + 10? 21.
What's 9 - 10? 21?
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
You.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
Hello, are you there?
Yes, who are you?
My name is Watt.
What’s your name?
Watt’s my name.
Yes, what is your name?
My name is John Watt.
John What?
Yes, are you Jones?
No, I’m Knott.
Will you tell me your name?
Will Knott.
Why not?
My name is Knott.
Not what?
Not Watt, Knott!
*hangs up*
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”
What’s the opposite of poo?
Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.