Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
Language Jokes
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
bröd
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Did you know that ASL is a dead language?
Yeah, nobody speaks it.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
What's the difference between a noodle and a scaboodle fladooodle?
weixian
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
"Spell ICUP."
"Puta, banana in your ear!"
This for you roman y e e e nt
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
