Language jokes
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
If you thought other puns were bad, wait till you sea mine.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition or addictionary.
I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"