Land jokes
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit. Had a new mash, just landed. Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it. The verbal ting I can't stand it. Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it. Mad ting. Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it. Back on a Feltham landing. You ain't been in the hood like Robin. I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud). The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud). No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped. Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue that's dead.
Maybe the ocean is salty because the land never waves back.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
If the moon landing was fake, so is your house.
Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
That joke didn't land well, did it?
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.