Ladder jokes

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the bars were high.

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"