Know jokes

You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?

A: They give you more bids.

What's your favorite type of flour?

Don't know.

Mines self-raising.

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

Did you know why they added Alexa for Stephen Hawking?

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.

Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D

Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)