when is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
My mom is a chemistry teacher. Mom: you can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back Me: tell that to my FU*KING CRUSH B*TCH
Knock Knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey's F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON'T YOU??!!!!!!
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King
So I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier. The looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Who is king of the insects?
The Monarch.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Two mates walk into a bar Mate 1 : Shit! look at that spider over there Mate 2 : Whateverrrrrrr Mate 1 : No, seriously it's bloody massive Mate 2 : (Turns around) Shit thats huge, I thought you were Joking Mate 1 : No I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common? A: Fu@king close to water!
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin King jr?There was none it was all white!
How did Stephen King die? Some one unplugged the router.
Who’s the roundest night at king arthurs round table?
Circumference
where do do dairy queen and burger king go after dinner? white castle
