Kind of jokes
If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.
If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
What kind of mountain does everyone like?
Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.
What kind of poo should you put in your hair?
Shampoo.
When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.
What’s a rapper’s favorite kind of SODA?
Dr. Dre Pepper.
What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
What kind of chocolate do racists hate?
Dark chocolate.
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.