Kill

Kill jokes

Hacker

    • If Red gets voted out, what happened?

    Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

    Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

    Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

    Lime, Green, and Purple run.

    Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

    Black killed Red. Black is the win.

    LOL

  • 3

    • Grandpa

    • I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

    Death

    • You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

    Kill memes

    Man

    • A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

    The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

    The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

    The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

    So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

    The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

    The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

    "Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

  • 2

    • Insult

    • Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.

    Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.

    Sans: Kid, I will kill you.

    Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!

  • 0

    • Dog

    • God creates dog.

    God: "You are man's best friend."

    Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

    God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

    Dog: "....."

    God: "And chocolate kills you!"

    Dog: "🐶"

  • 1

    • Hitler

    • So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

  • 0

    • Train

    • Man: Die, potato!

    Potato: *screams*

    I like trains.

    Kid: I like trains.

    Man: No, wait!

    Train: *kills man*

    Actor

    • Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

    Mom: Witherspoon.

    Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

  • 1

    • Kid

    • Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?

    It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.

  • 1