Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
:can I borrow a book how to kill myself
:librarian. No cause you won’t bring it back
Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window...
Ta kill her.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
Knock, Knock Who's There Covid Covid-Who The thing that killed half a billion people
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
I will pay someone to kill me.
First Date: HE:"i work with animals every day!" SHE:"oh how sweet! what is it that you do?" HE:"I’m a butcher" SHE:“perfect i work with humans i just kill them by cutting them up!” HE:"so its you in the news paper?"SHE:"yes it was,wanna be next?" HE:"no!"
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
My sister said to kill myself so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
