Kill

Kill jokes

Add joke

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!

If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?

That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.

The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.

The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.

9 years later......

All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!

Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?

There used to be two but now there's one...

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

  • 8

    • 3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

    What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

    When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.