Kill jokes
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...
AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."
So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................
ok like for part two☺☺☺
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Gwen, just take Tj as your boyfriend. Gah, just do it so he won't kill himself! Prince will be fine without you!
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
I like you, you like me.
Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
No one.
Absolutely no one.
The History Channel at 11:00 PM: Who really killed JFK?
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?