Kids jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

"Knuckle babies" don't eat.

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"

What do you call a gay kid on fire?

Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!

Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.