Kids jokes
Your sense of humor is like being a short bus kid: it's retarded.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
If an emo kid takes antidepressant medication, will they be happy?
If an emo kid takes an over-the-counter medication, will they be happy?
What's Jeffrey Epstein's favourite vegetable?
The retarded kid down the street.
Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favourite vegetable?
A: The special ed. kid down the street.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
What did one terrorist say to their kid?
“Here comes the airplane!” “Here comes the other one!”
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"