Kids jokes
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see their parents.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
How does an emo kid compliment one another?
Like your cuts, G.
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.
He never came back the next day, says the local news.
Why does the emo kid skip class?
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
If the sun had a kid, it would be like father, like sun. 🤓 😎
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."