Kids jokes

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

Why is the gay kid gay?

Because he likes men.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

What do me and an emo kid have in common:

We both like to hang.

Why did the sped kid get expelled?

Because he was tardy.