Kids jokes

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?

Because he’s disabled.

What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.

How do you surprise a blind kid?

Put a plunger in the toilet.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”

Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?