Kids jokes

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"

Because he had to take one.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”

Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.