Kids jokes

Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.

Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.

The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.

The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”

Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.

My disabled dad went to the grocery store.

He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.

Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

What is a group of emo kids called?

A suicide squad.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.

Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.

Teacher: What is a cow?

Kid: Meat.

Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?

Kid: Eggs.

Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?

Kid: Homework.

A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”

The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?

Milkshake.

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Names......

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.