Kids jokes
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
School days
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
What is a show for kids?
Barney.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.