Kids jokes
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
that one cool kid in your class
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
What is a group of depressed kids called? They are called the "Suicide Squad."
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What do you call a triggered white kid?
A school shooter!
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
Why do orphans hate smart kids?
Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
Kid: You're so fat!
Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"