Kids jokes

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.

All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"

I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?