Kids jokes
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
What do you call a depressed group of kids?
Suicide squad.
Why couldn’t the kid play baseball? Because he couldn’t find home.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
Imagine being an orphan. *kid beside me crying*
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Kid: Dad, where are you going?
Dad: To get milk.
TEN YEARS LATER
Kid's friend: Where's your dad?
Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.
Genie: You're now an orphan.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.