Kids jokes
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Answer: Special forces.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
One has a functioning neck.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”