Kids jokes
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
A kid and an apple fall from a tree, who will reach the ground first?
The apple, because the kid is hanging on the tree with a rope.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."