Kids jokes
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
What do pears and emo kids have in common?
They both be hanging.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
What's an autistic kid's favorite transformer?
Autistemist Prime.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.