Hide

Hide Jokes

Blackmail

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Wheelchair

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Wheelchair

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Hide-and-seek

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

Memes

Gay People

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

Metal Detector

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

  • 3
  • School Shooter

    When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

    Lego

    I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

  • 1
  • Orphan

    Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

    Orphanage

    Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

    Because no one’s looking for them.

    Hippo

    Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

  • 1
  • Draft

    So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

    Injury

    If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

    Body

    Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

    I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.