Hide jokes

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?

Because he's always spotted.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.