Kid jokes

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.