Kid jokes

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.