Kid Jokes

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.

Prankster kid: Knock knock.

Neighbor: Who's there?

...

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.