Kid jokes
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1: Did you bring Uranus?
Kid 2: Never leave home without it.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."