Kid jokes

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?

Bunk beds.

I eat kids.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.

Kid: I have the corona virus!

Nurse: Here is an ice pack.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”