Kid jokes
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
I hope ya'll that have depression kys; you are worthless trash.
Just kidding.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.