Kid jokes

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?

Drool.

A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”

1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.