Kid jokes
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
Memes
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.