Kid

Kid jokes

Virgin

    • Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

    Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

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    • Ex

    • You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

    Then I start to think I was the problem :(

    Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

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    • Kidnapping

    • I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

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    • Kid memes

    Misunderstanding

    • Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

    Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

    Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

    So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

    Mum

    • Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

    Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

    Dinner

    • Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

    Plane

    • Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

    Someone turned off flight mode.

    (Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

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    • Bullying

    • When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

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    • Pronoun

    • I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

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    • Dog

    • So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

    About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

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