Kid jokes

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?

Minesweeper.

Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?

Because they make the toys.

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

What do Drake and math have in common? They’re both hard for kids.

Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."

Orphan: "How?"

Kid: "You wouldn't know."

Orphan: "........."

How do you get an emo kid to jump?

A bridge.