Kid

Kid jokes

Wheelchair

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

Wheelchair

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

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  • Love

    A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

    Cellar

    What does a kid and wine have in common?

    Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

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  • ADHD

    Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

    Their focus is always off.

    Name

    There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

    Cousin

    My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

    Pedophile

    what did the pedophile say to the kid?

    "Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

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  • Asian

    Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

    Because two wongs don't make a white.

    Ice Cream

    A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

    The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

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  • Stutter

    "What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

    School Shooter

    When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

    Abortion

    My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

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  • Orphan

    Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

    Students: "oof"

    Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

    Students: "Yeah, your parents."

    Orphanage

    Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

    Dad

    Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

    They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.