Kid jokes

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?

I only stuff the turkey.

Put a kid in a wheelchair in the Twin Towers. Damn, I love Hot Wheels!

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

I don't know.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!

Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Names......

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

What is an emo kid's favorite song?

"Chain Hang Low" because he hangs low off a chain tied to a tree.

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.