Kid jokes

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."