Kid jokes

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.