Kid jokes
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
Kid 1: Do you know Candace?
Kid 2: Candace who?
Kid 1: Candace dick fit in your mouth!
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
What's a depressed kid's least favorite game?
Cut the rope.
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.