Kid jokes
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
An obese kid farts.
Get off of here, kids!
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
the little kids these Days
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"
The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"
How do you surprise a blind kid?
Put a plunger in the toilet.
I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D
"Hey, kid, why are you so fat?"
"Why did you insult him? That's not nice."
"It won't matter, he's deaf."