Kid jokes
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"
The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
My kid had an accident.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Me: "I like kids."
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.