Kid jokes
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Memes
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."