Kid jokes
What do you call Autistic kids baking?
"Downies" with brownies.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Imagine being an orphan. *kid beside me crying*
"Rape isn't a joke unless you watch YouTube Kids."
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Why did the adopted kid eat the last cookie? Because he was the only one left to adopt; everyone hated him.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.
Kid: Please.
Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.
Kid: Everybody is hugging.
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."