Kid jokes
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.