Kid jokes

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."

What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?

They both hang from trees.

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”