Kid jokes
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.