Keep jokes

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."

Why do hospitals have fans?

To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?

"Boys Keep Swinging."

How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?

Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."