If you kill someone, that's murder. If you kill a family member, that's still murder. If you kill a child, that's "child abuse"
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Our soon to be ex Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims He should fund proctologists too cause he'll likely need both after prison.
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.
I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?
The white guy did it
What is an orphan's role model?
Batman.
You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.
One day a snail got robbed by two turtles. The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles)
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider Man? Well, he weaved a really tangled web and Aunt May saw it.
FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE. MY NAME SHOWS IT ALL IF YOU CAN'T SEE, IDC AT ALL, YOU CAN BAN ME. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING, WITHOUT GOD, ISR-EL IS NOTHING. SO LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, ONE LAST TIME, FREE FREE PALESTINE!
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE) I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed). I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because these jokes are not funny
Heres why the chicken crossed the road...
The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening, and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.
The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.
The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit...)
What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice? Answer: Attorney General William Barr!
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
