Justice

Justice jokes

Add joke

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

  • 6

    • What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!

  • 0

    • A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.

    The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"

    A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

    An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

    But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

    A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

    Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

    It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

  • 1

    • The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

  • 3

    • The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.

  • 2

    • I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

    Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

    A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

    People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.

    Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?

    There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.

    You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?

    They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?

    A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.

    He just turned a blind eye.

    What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

  • 4