Joke jokes
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
What's sticky and brown? A stick!
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
What did the coal say to the charcoal?
You look pretty coal! 🤣
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.