Joke jokes
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
What do you call a nosy Mexican?
That's nacho business.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
Ask the emo kid: "Hey, how's it hanging?"
Why can't people understand these jokes?
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
I was going to post a Kobe Briant joke, but the site crashed.
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?
What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?
The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.
Why can't orphans make dad jokes? Because they don't have one.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Why does a blind man still have eyes?
So he can see that he can't see.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.