Joke jokes

Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?

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What do u call a pretty Indian girl?

Bomb bae.

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Disabled.

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."