Joke jokes

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

Lol, I have no life :)

What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?

They never get old.

Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?

This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

What do u call a pretty Indian girl?

Bomb bae.

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.