Joke jokes
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!