I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Joke Jokes
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?
A midget spinner.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.
