Joke jokes
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.